Victoria Beckham bloats to 34 stone as diet drops to ‘homeopathic levels’
Victoria Beckham has ballooned to nearly 35 stone after accidentally adopting a homeopathic diet. Beckham is said to have skipped a crucial mung-bean salad last week, diluting her calorie intake to dangerously fattening levels.
‘My faith healer thinks it’s my memory of food that’s the problem’, explained the former Spice Girl. ‘She’s using regression therapy to recall any unusually large meals I ate in my formative years, such as that bee I swallowed during cross-country.’
By using a crystal, Beckham hopes to get into the mind of the bee and convince it that it is a cake, or some biscuits. Reducing the dilution in this way should weaken the effect: tabloid remote viewers believe she’s already dropped a dress size.
It’s not the first time Beckham has witnessed unexpected homeopathy. She recently became Britain’s most prolific author, after writing barely a trace of her autobiography.
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Posted: Jul 14th, 2012 by waylandsmithy
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