The Ministry of Defence has confirmed reports that many soldiers have slapped in requests to return to Afghanistan early rather than be deployed in London during the Olympics.
Commanding officers have admitted that many of their men, when faced with the prospect of serving in a hostile, unfamiliar environment would prefer to be in Afghanistan, with many citing language and cultural differences as reasons for not wishing to be selected to patrol London streets.
Meanwhile preparations are well advanced for the soldiers who will serve in London. Army Doctors have warned squaddies of the high risk of STDs prevalent in the patrol zones, and Land Rovers, specially tested in Helmand Province, have been flown in and are to be beefed up for the tough Stratford terrain.
After the completion of their tour of duty, a triumphant heroes parade is planned through the streets upon their return to Kabul.