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Manc boards plane to Italy

A 28-year-old Man from Manchester has boarded a plane to Rome, on his own, with a passport, ticket and boarding pass.

The man got through a security screen by mingling with families, young professionals and business travellers, from Cheshire, going through Terminal 1 on Tuesday afternoon.

He was discovered while the Jet2 plane was in mid-air after passengers became suspicious. One onlooker told our reporter that ‘he was walking down the aisles in a dark green trench-coat and wearing round-rimmed sunglasses. At first he kept himself to himself, but then he got a pair of maracas out of his pockets and started waving them in front of his face.’

Chief Steward, Ben Whitfield, told us that the man got out of his seat during takeoff, swaggered up to the Polish stewardess and said ‘you’re not from around ere are ya’ in a aggressively suspicious tone, before turning around to the rest of the passengers, holding his open palms either side of his crotch, leaning to the side and yelling ‘come on then’, showing a wanton disregard for the small lit signs instructing him to remain seated. It is believed he also had his seat reclined and his tray table down.

It was quickly apparent to staff that the man was of Manchester origin and had no place being on a flight to Rome. Retiree, Shirley Wootton, said ‘I knew something was wrong when he was standing behind Gerald and I in the boarding queue, he couldn’t stand still, he was swaying from left to right, tilting his head, with his arms out to the side, and every time his beedy eyes caught the 2012 Olympic poster he shouted ‘fucking Londoners!’ at the top of his voice, it was frightfully awful’.

Another passenger, who declined to be identified, said ‘We were on our way to Rome to marvel at St peters Basilica, promenade by the Trevi Fountain and drink Tuscan wine in the Piazza del Popolo at sunset, everyone was, but this brut just didn’t fit in, his hand luggage was a WH Smith bag with an empty packet of crisps, a half-drunk can of red bull and a copy of the Sun’, she added, ‘he didn’t even have a Kindle’.

Transport Secretary Justine Greening said: ‘I treat social mobility breaches very, very seriously indeed, so we are now reviewing urgently with Manchester Airport, and indeed the airline, exactly what happened.’

A Manchester Airport spokesman said, ‘a number of airline staff have been suspended, it is simply unacceptable that our staff did not question why this individual was not boarding one of the flights to Alicante or Magaluf’.

The plane was redirected for emergency landing to Liverpool’s John Lennon International Airport, where passengers have been relieved of their luggage for safety reasons.

The Mancunian has been returned to the Eagle pub in Salford.

Old Hat, with contribution by waylandsmithy

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2012 by Guest

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