An image of Jesus has appeared on Jeremy Clarkson’s teeth, the first holy endorsement of the car journalist’s ‘motor mouth’.
‘Just because I’m on TV people think I should have perfect teeth but I’m not a homosexual so I don’t go to the dentist’, insisted Clarkson. The phenomenon caused Clarkson to analyse his greatness, and draw some startling comparisons with the Son of God.
‘Jesus was outspoken and controversial; so am I. He had twelve disciples and I’ve got Hammond, May and the Subaru owner’s club. And both of us enjoy talking things out over a pint or a simple supper; a unique pleasure that feminists will never understand’, he insisted.
Clarkson offered some sage advice for Jesus, if he was planning a ‘second coming’ or another desert adventure. ‘I’d say ‘Look mate, you’ve got to ditch the dress and face fungus, and sandals are for vegetarians or communists.’ He went on to recommend a pair of Levi’s and a brown, leather jacket, complemented by a massive, gaudy watch.
Clarkson is currently recovering in hospital after being hit repeatedly by a falling JC Fischer piano.