The government is today celebrating the successful start of two weeks that have been long in the planning. With the country’s attention focused firmly on the Olympics, only the death of a Princess in Paris would be a more effective mask for bad news.
‘We tested the water by announcing a drop in GDP whilst everyone was talking about the start of the Olympics football tournament’, a source close to the cabinet announced during the opening ceremony. ‘Who knew women’s football could hide a descent into bankruptcy and a failed economic policy? Back of the net! 1-0 to the home team!’
With a fortnight of running and jumping ahead, the public can expect a wave of announcements to be hurriedly glossed over. A rise in fuel duty is planned to coincide with the men’s cycling team pursuit, while the acquittal of Andy Coulson and Rebekah Wade won’t be mentioned much during the 100 metres final. ‘Timing is everything’, declared the spokesman. ‘It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. At least I think it is. Has anyone made sure we’re going to run up the wrong flags?’