Parents across Britain were today warned to be on their guard after a teenager’s death was attributed to an overdose of the latest legal high, known on the street simply as ‘Olympics’. According to police at the scene, the boy – who cannot be named because he didn’t have a sponsorship deal – died of acute over-excitement after consuming over 30 ‘tickets’ of Olympics in the space of less than 12 hours.
The dangerous craze has become increasingly popular over the past few months, peaking in unprecedented activity in only the last few days. Yet despite a lack of research into the apparently serious consequences of this potentially harmful recreational activity, it is still completely legal.
The boy’s father has pleaded with the government to take action saying; ‘until they stop this outright, I can’t even walk out on the street without seeing people everywhere, you know, openly doing Olympics. To them it’s just a bit of harmless fun, but one beach volleyball match too many and, mark my words, it could be goodnight Vienna.’
The shadowy masterminds behind it all have allegedly been making millions and millions of pounds. The supply of Olympics is currently controlled, with government approval, by a cartel led by LOCOG, an organisation which is becoming increasingly aggressive in pushing a variety of legal Olympics-based products and pursuing those who try to use alternatives.
Witnesses to today’s disaster said that the boy had reached a frenzy for Olympics. It is reported he’d spent the entire morning ‘Speedballing’, which involves consuming vast amounts of cheap varieties of Olympics such as ‘Ping Pong’ and ‘Women’s Football’, which are surprisingly moreish, apparently much easier to get hold of that the more expensive types such as ‘Sprint’, but unfortunately, just as damaging.
‘I just want everyone to calm down, take a deep breath and go back to where we were in the good old days before all this happened,’ said the boy’s father. ‘I mean nobody ever died of the ‘Commonwealths’.’