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Future Tory leader to be selected by participation in BBC TV’s Total Wipeout

In the wake of London Mayor Boris Johnson’s popularity boost amongst the voting public, following his 2 flags and a zip wire stunt at the 2012 Olympics, members of the Conservative party’s influential 1922 committee have agreed that in future the party leader will be selected through participation in an adapted version of the popular BBC TV show “Total Wipeout”.

Concerns that the general oiliness of potential leadership candidates, in particular George Osborne, Michael Gove and Jeremy Hunt, would be an unfair handicap in tackling some the already slippery obstacles on the course were met with some derision by 1922 Committee Chairman Graham Brady who, setting aside his copy of 50 Shades of Grey, commented ” Well Boris has probably already got it in the bag anyway, but anything that gets Theresa May into a leopard skin bikini and kitten heels sliding her silken womanly thighs around on a turgid inflatable pole greasier than the one she clings to in the home office gets my vote!”

An attempt by Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg to jump onto the stunts for votes bandwagon by suggesting that the Liberal Democrat sponsored bill for the reform of The House of Lords could be revised to legislate for populating the upper house with only those peers who survived being shoved over Niagra Falls in a barrel was quietly swept under the carpet.

Nowherefast

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Posted: Aug 3rd, 2012 by Guest

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