Olympics: Week 1 Round-up


With almost one week gone of the London Olympics, you may have struggled to keep up with all of the news from the games, especially the ‘minority sports’. So to save you the time of having to look around at a lot of misinformation on the internet here’s a round-up of the action that has not made the news.


The fencing tournament is in full swing, but has been tainted by the withdrawal of the Italian squad after the death of their star man. Giovanni Bianccini was stabbed in the chest by a competitor in the first round after he insisted on keeping the first three buttons on his safety suit undone.


The first medal for Burkina Faso came in the Water Polo contest. Not only did they win Gold, but they also beat the Olympic and World record by eating 15 packets of the mints without coming up for air. Their achievement was stained only by the laxative effect.


The disappointment of Tom Daley and the other one not getting a medal in the synchronised event has overshadowed what has been said by some to be the biggest scandal the sport has ever seen. Ivory Coast have given a late call up to ex-Chelsea forward Didier Drogba. As the disgruntled Portuguese coach told us, ‘we always thought the Olympics was for amateurs. If we had known you could have team members that got paid £200k a week for diving, we would have brought Christiano Ronaldo’.


The Team GB canoeing team had an embarrassing set back on Wednesday when their understanding of the sport was shown to be woefully inadequate. Criticism came after three consecutive Brits turned off of the official course, jumped out of their canoes, then helped their wives fill out the life insurance claim form. Team GB have said recruiting John Darwin as head coach was ‘ill advised’


As Ben Ainslie continues his quest for a Gold medal, there has been what officials have called a ‘security incident’ in the widely praised viewing area. Police were alerted to a man who described as ‘acting very suspiciously’. It is believed the arrested male claimed to actually know what was happening in the water. A police spokesman told us ‘anyone who has done that much research must be a terrorist’.

Beach Volleyball

As the competition progresses, the problem of empty seats that has plagued other events has so far evaded the women’s tournament. With most teams having now played, the crowds are eagerly awaiting the first appearance of the Brazilians. However as yet, no ‘wardrobe malfunctions’ have occurred.


Some bloke in the Great Britain team didn’t win a medal.

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Posted: Aug 4th, 2012 by

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