Jazz exposed as practical joke

Bassist ‘Blind’ Joe Arlington has shocked the jazz world with his death-bed confession that the music is a long running gag played on gullible souls who like to consider themselves ‘cool’.

‘All you have to do is listen,’ said Arlington from a secret location in Florida. ‘It’s always the same damn noise unless you’re completely stoned.’

Arlington is now in hiding after death threats from the powerful Modern Jazz Quartet.

‘The original New Orleans guys used to feel guilty about it – he even called himself ‘Kid’ Ory. Then came the cool monikers, sunglasses, goatee beards, funny hats – and the same ‘improvised’ round about midnight racket.’

When asked about the legendary pianist Thelonious Monk, Arlington replied, ‘Hell, he couldn’t play a note. He just hit the ivories randomly. Just listen, man.’

Asked how his blindness affected his playing, Arlington said:

‘What blindness? Hell man, I just have a mild astigmatism, but that doesn’t exactly trip off the tongue, does it?’

Chris Hitchcock

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Posted: Aug 7th, 2012 by

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