People who have been cycling ‘long before Bradley bloody Wiggins and the Olympics came along’ have been loudly pointing it out to those who have just developed a sudden urge to get down to their local bike shop and join in.
‘Us veterans – lest you forget – have been cycling in all weathers and all conditions before anyone had even heard of Chris fucking Hoy,’ said 41-year-old Derek Foulds. ‘I didn’t need pouting-pixie Pendleton or tree-trunk thighs Hoy to get me onto my Bianchi Oltre with Mavic Ksyrium hubs and Shimano Dura Ace chainset.’
But the sudden influx of ‘fat-arsed fair-weather cyclists wobbling slowly in and out of traffic in a mixture of distended lycra and blind panic’ has left veteran self-propelled practitioners livid at the appropriation of their pastime.
‘I don’t care how much they’re inspired by Laura Trott. I’d like to see them do the Blackheath to Kings Cross commute in under 20 minutes. I’ve been doing this for 20 years. Where were they when I got my first pair of SPDs? Chris Boardman practically didn’t exist when I started cycling.’