Rogue Essex Girl sparks terror amongst locals in Kenya

Terrified Masai tribespeople were today taking emergency shelter following the sighting of what appeared to be a rogue Essex girl, lurking in the undergrowth, deep in the heart of a spectacular wildlife reserve.

‘We are treating these sightings with the utmost degree of seriousness’ said Police Chief Jacob Nzuma. ‘We are in little doubt that there is indeed a rogue Essex girl on the loose. This could have a catastrophic impact on the delicate ecosystem of the reserve.’

Masai tribesman, Swaba Sunkole claimed that he was the first person to spot the rogue Essex girl. He said ‘I was gathering firewood in the bush, when I saw the rogue Essex girl with my own eyes. It was horrible. It was barely dressed, and it was orange, with big black eyes and enormous breasts that did not move naturally. Then it started to approach me, in a prowling manner. When it bared its enormous teeth I was temporarily blinded by the glare. The blood red talons were terrifying. I took to my toes immediately. I am only grateful it was wearing what appeared to be six inch stiletto heels, which hampered its progress somewhat.’

Martin Shuttlecock

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Posted: Aug 28th, 2012 by

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