Defence Secretary Philip Hammond has today announced that the Royal Milk Tray Regiment is to be disbanded with immediate effect.
The regiment, famed for their daring heroics in delivering boxes of chocolates to ladies who loved Milk Tray, had fallen out of favour with the public and the MoD, and had seen little active service of late. ‘They have served no meaningful purpose since the mid-eighties’ explained Hammond. ‘We simply can’t justify having a decadent regiment in the current political and financial climate.’
The decision was criticised by long-time supporter of the regiment and boxed chocolate fan Joanna Lumley, who argued ‘okay, so there was that friendly fire incident back in 1983 when they accidentally delivered a box to Brigadier Cholmondley-Smythe, but apart from that they have an unblemished record of service. This is no way to repay them for years of fighting the peckishness of posh ladies living at the top of Alpine mountains.’
Hammond refused to listen to her though, and stated that the army will now make use of Interflora instead, who ‘also do chocolates now’.