Following the success of the Olympic opening ceremony, top NHS doctors are now asking patients, especially those with multiple fractures, to refrain from energetic dancing on their beds at all hours of the day and night.
‘Danny Boyle has clearly never been an NHS in-patient, so why he insisted on encouraging this awful behaviour is most worrying, after all we can’t have NHS patients jumping around joyously like they are BUPA in-patients, drunk after drinking a bottle of wine with their lightly steamed sea bass’ said consultant orthopaedic surgeon Peter Hall from Manchester Royal Infirmary. ‘Thank god there was none of that nonsense in the Paralympic ceremony’.
NHS chiefs are now confident that over-exuberant behaviour can be controlled by conventional remedies within the law. ‘When my granny started jumping up and down on her NHS bed I had her sectioned under the Mental Health Act and she’s now sedated and in a straitjacket in the secure wing at Rampton’ said Health Minister Andrew Lansley, ‘which incidentally is more representative of a real Danny Boyle inspired story.’