George Osborne has today announced a new policy that will see the speeding up of planning permission for Nick Clegg speeches and interviews. The move is designed to stop the Deputy Prime Minister making his plans public and then applying for permission retrospectively.
‘We are doing this for the benefit of the whole country and the economy’ The Chancellor told us. ‘Countries that are planning to do business with us are listening to him and thinking we are all that weird. It’s not only that. There is a real danger the Lib Dems are going to get rid of him and replace him with someone that won’t announce our worse policies for a bag of Haribo.’
Surprisingly environmentalists have welcome the move saying that sort of reduction in hot air being released may even reverse the effects of global warming. But Nick Clegg has said he will oppose the move that he calls ‘morally wrong’ and has instructed his Lib Dem colleagues to vote against his coalition partners. ‘That is unless they give me the ‘star mix’ Haribo’, he told reporters ‘then I’m any one’s bitch.’