Vatican ‘Suppressed Cure for Tourettes’

It has been revealed that Italian scientists discovered a cure for Tourette’s Syndrome in 1973, but were persuaded by the Vatican to suppress the research.

“It’s an ethical dilemma”, said Monsignor Petrocelli of the Vatican’s Amusing Diseases Committee. “Curing the disease would transform the lives of a few, whereas watching people swearing randomly at strangers gives everybody else a good laugh. I love it when they shout out “Bollocks!” in Mass. Really livens up an otherwise dull ceremony.”

Monsignor Petrocelli will soon move to the Vatican’s Extra Serious Disease committee who are currently amusing themselves greatly encouraging the spread of Aids by denouncing the use of condoms as ‘evil’.

But for now Monsignor Petrocelli remains passionate about his work and fiercely loyal to the committee he currently serves, pointing out that Tourette’s Syndrome isn’t the only amusing disease whose cure has been suppressed by the Vatican.

“We’ve been sitting on a cure for flatulence for centuries, and the Brummie accent could have been cured years ago,” he said. “And who hasn’t enjoyed pointing at dwarves in the street? Quite unnecessary – we only keep them because they’re so funny, with their tiny little legs and their funny faces.”


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Posted: Sep 9th, 2012 by

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