GCSEs to be replaced with GOVEs

Education Secretary Michael Gove has strongly denied that GCSEs in England and Wales are being scrapped in favour of an exam sounding ‘a bit Michael Govey’.

‘It is entirely coincidental that the proposed test rhymes with ‘cove’,’ declared the Secretary of State, ‘but when considering the recent influx of Eastern European migrants, my staff felt compelled to name the new qualification the ‘Good Old-Vashioned Education’ test’.

Gove has been accused of paedagogical hubris before. In 2011 he sent schools 600,000 New Testaments containing a personal commentary on ‘where King James could have done better, stylistically speaking’, and in March 2012 replaced healthy school dinner targets with a requirement to paint the latin phrase ‘Ars longa, vita brevis’ over every single serving hatch, insisting that school children would understand the warning ‘Big arse, short life’.

‘The idea that a cabinet minster would risk our children’s future just to get his name in lights is preposterous,’ continued Gove. ‘This project will get my full attention, just as soon as I’ve helped the Home Secretary with the revamped Citizenship Tests – the ‘May Levels’.

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Posted: Sep 18th, 2012 by

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