The English Defence League’s Stephen Lennon and Militant Islam’s Abu Qatada have agreed to a football match to decide ownership of a disused Scout hut in Thurnby Lodge, Leicester.
The two teams, EDL Pathletic and Militant Islam Affronted, will field their most rabid, walnut-brained, myopic thugs in a bid to secure the small hut, which comes complete with a wooden board covered in different types of knots, an old Bob-a-Job ledger, the smell of 1970s cabbage, and some massive aluminium tea-pots.
Talks were delayed when the EDL leader refused to enter the hut until all the woggles had been removed, until someone explained that they were merely a left over box of neckerchief fastenings .
Jocular chanting from the crowd is expected to be one of the highlights of the game. EDL’s ‘I’m not a racist. How can I be a racist in my own country?’ will compete with MI Affronted’s ‘Your sister shows her ankles’ while both sides are expected to make use of the crushing ‘The referee’s a moderate’.
EDL Pathletic are expected to start with a 0-0-10 formation, with everyone in defence and nothing to contribute in the middle or forward ground. MI Affronted plan to have 10 players in the dugout and one running towards the goal-line screaming ‘Show me the virgins’ while wearing a suspiciously lumpy shirt. Which should obviate the need for penalties.
DustyBinLaden (hat-tip to waylandsmithy)