The Deputy Prime Minister has been given the authority to decide what kind of take-away ministers eat when working late.
‘This proves that Nick Clegg is in charge of decisions of the utmost importance,’ said a Downing Street statement. ‘To work efficiently the human body needs fuel; we derive this fuel from the food we eat. Without it we would struggle to make the right choices while working into the small hours of the night. Mr Clegg is responsible for making sure we get the right energy. So in a way, he plays an important role in each policy decision. He also gets 50p for collecting each order.’
In a boisterous mood, Mr Clegg said: ‘I hope this puts paid to the rumours that I am an empty shirt. The choice of meal between Chinese, Indian or traditional is vitally important. To work efficiently the human body needs fuel; we derive this fuel… What do you mean this has already been released? This was my statement… Never mind. Pass the prawn crackers, will you?’