HP printers that do nothing but whirr away and complain about lack of ink could be given to the elderly and lonely, an Occupational Therapy think-tank has revealed.
‘The printers make perfect companions for people who have a lot of time on their hands, and housebound senior citizens fit the bill perfectly,’ said a spokeman for the think-tank. ‘Needing constant attention, taking up valuable space and having an incessant craving to be fed copious amounts of ink every day, the irksome devices have all the hallmarks of overweight pets, apart from the hairs and the stink.’
‘In the evenings owners could sit the printers in front of the TV to watch Songs of Praise,’ he continued. ‘By pressing the ‘ON’ button at the start of the programme, the printer would join in with the worship by singing along in a cacophony of grunts, squeaks and clatters, finally reaching a climax of beeps and groans when the ‘Ready’ light came on – in time for the closing credits. And finally, the owner could feed it a sheet of A4 as a reward, and watch contentedly for the rest of the night as their quirky, lovable pet chewed it to shreds.’