There were no large explosions at the Liberal Democrats party conference today failing to engulf the building in smoke, flames or flying debris. The non-explosions, which didn’t take place at all today, have been followed by the sporadic sound of nothing interesting happening whatsoever. Immediately after the non-event a terrorist group stepped forward to claim responsibility for not detonating pounds of high explosives in the packed conference centre.
Disturbing footage has shown the building completely intact and still standing with people in yellow ties and bewildered looks on their faces entering and exiting the building unimpeded.
A number of harrowing first hand reports have been received in the hours since the conference was not bombed and the true extent of the damage is only just being made clear. Nick Clegg, the 45 year old leader of the party is in perfect health, has been spotted wandering around the centre making vague statements about the future of the party.