NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Man so unpopular even Groupon refuses to email him

Tony Norris from Stockport has been unveiled as the UK’s most unpopular man following the decision by Groupon, and even global spam emailers, to refrain from attempting to contact him.

‘Six months ago it was completely different, I could take my pick of special deals on sky diving and nail painting, should I have needed it the potential supply of viagra and potions to stop baldness would have lasted forever, and I could even have bought some pills to have the world’s largest penis. But it’s all stopped.’

Groupon confirmed that Mr Norris had been removed from their mailing list ‘I accidentally found him on LinkedIn and discovered what an ugly boring twat he is, so despite us wishing to annoy everyone on the planet with pointless offers we decided he just wasn’t worth it’ said Groupon sales director Mike Kingson ‘As far as we’re concerned he can get stuffed – he can have a 2-4-1 on my middle finger.’

Norris’s anxiety was further heightened by his discovery that even Nigerian bank scammers were unwilling to accept £10,000 from him to allow them to export frozen deposits from the country. ‘I was initially going to accept Norris’s offer to stand-in as next of kin to a dead but successful businessman, but to be honest I don’t like the look of him and decided to reject his unsolicited offer’ said Samull Bayo the Foreign Remmitance Director of the Nigerian Banking Commission ‘He didn’t strike me as a guy you could trust.’

Share this story...

Send to a Friend:





Click to send this story to a friend

Posted: Sep 28th, 2012 by antharrison

Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Click for more stories about: Lifestyle