The Government is considering a plan proposed by the MOD to train badgers to replace marksman by 2015. ‘We are confident that local badgers are in the best position to spot sufferers of TB and to shoot them’, explained a spokesman. Using a tactic that is working so well in Afghanistan, the government believes that so called ‘black and white on black and white’ shooting should see the badger population plummet over the next year or so.
Other plans involves persuading badgers to commit suicide by emphasising the depressing reality of being an animal that only comes out at night, spends the rest of the time in dark muddy tunnels and lives on a diet of worms. ‘Or we can tell them that their only friend is Brian May. That ought to do it.’