As Labour’s annual party conference gets underway, Unite leader Len McCluskey has publicly criticised the lack of opening ceremony. As one of the party’s largest donors, he believes some of that money could have been spent on a few of their members jumping on NHS beds, building factories in the main hall, or coming into the hall waving their unions’ flags.
‘If the Olympics taught us anything, it was that you can make even the most boring things more exciting with an opening ceremony’ the Unite leader insisted. ‘and with Ed Miliband’s keynote speech still to come, God only knows we need some pizzazz.’
A labour spokesman explained that the ‘low-key’ start to the conference showed they have moved on from ‘New Labour’ and were prepared to ‘roll up their sleeves and get stuck in’. Unfortunately, a missing risk assessment meant that scissors couldn’t be used to cut the party ribbon and declare the conference open, causing critics to point out that they were ‘still struggling with red tape’.