NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Met Police confident they are ‘closing in’ on Jimmy Savile

Commissioner Bernard Hogan-Hows-About-That-ThenRocked by criticism that his force was slow to act on previous concerns about people in the media, Metropolitan Police Commissioner Bernard Hogan-Howe has promised to immediately ‘get tough’ on Jimmy Savile and issued an uncompromising ultimatum to the alleged serial sex offender.

Drawing himself to his full height, the self-styled no-nonsense action hero issued a public warning to the dirty DJ: ‘Hand yourself in now or we will find you and bring you in to answer some very serious questions. And don’t think you can get away with just because you’re dead.’

The tough on paper police chief has promised a retrospective policy of zero tolerance to previously untouchable celebrity sex offenders. ‘I want to reassure the public that I take sound bites and eye catching gestures very seriously,’ he said.

Highly-trained police sniffer dogs and elite Metropolitan Police storm troopers have been taken off riot-evading duty and motorist bullying to join the hunt for the man the police have dubbed the ‘turntabling tormentor of teens’.

Hogan-Howe is understood to have put together a crack squad of press release writers, media trainers and image makers to convince the public that The Met Police is on the case and that London is open for business, twenty four seven.

Some critics have suggested that Hogan-Howe is posturing and that Savile no longer poses a threat, on account of being dead and buried in Yorkshire. But Scotland Yard’s top maverick cop warned Londoners that they cannot afford to be complacent. ‘If he eats chilli, I’m gonna get heart burn. I’m gonna bust this guy’s chops and I don’t mind putting my ass on the line,’ said Hogan-Howe. ‘I don’t care what the bosses uptown say. I’m keeping the streets safe. Unless of course some rioters turn up.’

Share this story...

Send to a Friend:





Click to send this story to a friend

Posted: Oct 9th, 2012 by ronseal

Click for more stories about: UK News