A regrettable night on the razz to celebrate the end of the Conservative Party conference has left Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne sporting a massive spider’s web tattoo on his face.
The incident-filled night out in central Birmingham has left many senior cabinet members with regrettable inkage, including the words ‘GOVE’ and ‘HATE’ on Vince Cable’s knuckles and ‘Dave’s Biaaaatch’ on Nick Clegg’s left buttock.
Michael Gove appeared unrepentant and even rather proud of a tattoo on his forehead reading ‘The poor don’t need no education’. He’s been seen prodding it angrily with his finger and saying to people ‘See that? That’s what I’m fucking talking about’.
Theresa May now has an epic ‘tramp stamp’ on her lower back depicting fetishistic sexual activity between humanoid aliens and futuristic machinery, but colleagues have noted that when she sits down ‘it looks like Leon Brittan is trying to climb out of her trousers’.
In an ironic twist, Sky presenter Kay Burley actually cried for the first time in her life after waking up to discover that two blue tears had been tattooed onto her face, falling gently from her left eye.