Middle-class foodies who insist on sharing via social media every carefully concocted plate of smugness they’ve ever cooked and eaten must now add a picture of the ‘evacuation’ that follows.
‘Just cook the food, eat the food, and keep bloody quiet about it,’ said a campaigner for the new law. ‘No-one wants to see how proud you are of your mozzarella bon-bons marinated in spaniel spunk, or the fact that you can’t live without your food processor.’
From November the new ‘from dish to dump’ law will require that every Facebook post or Tweet featuring a plate of food must have a second image of the subsequent visit to the toilet depicting the same meal ‘floating like a forlorn yuletide log in a sea of Harpic jus’.
Those who don’t observe the new legal requirement and post messages such as ‘From our permaculture windowbox’, ‘Stewart’s bulbs have done us all proud’ or ‘Purchased at a market in Sienna’ without the follow-up bowel movement, will face a fine of up to £10,000 or community service peeling garlic by hand without a device from Lakeland.
Spenser Mogridge, an architect from Barnes in London, said: ‘I’m horrified by this humiliating law. Our new bathroom won’t be finished until the summer.’