NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Dudley plumber Jimmy Savile forced to flee to ‘safe village’ by ill-informed mob

nowhere else to hide from persecutionJimmy Savile, a 45 year old plumber from Dudley, is the latest name-a-like forced to relocate to Farnton, a secluded, high security village in Suffolk created especially for individuals who share names with public hate figures.

Farnton was founded in 1981 by Mark Chapman of Southwark after a furious rabble forced his migration in revenge for the murder of John Lennon, despite the actual Mark Chapman being imprisoned over six months earlier and 3000 miles away.

Savile, who had already suffered minor attacks against his business, Jim’ll Fix It (Or Your Money Back!), was forced to flee his home after an angry but poorly informed mob laid waste to his hanging baskets and appeared to threaten his windows and family.

Speaking from his new home, Savile said: “It’ll take a bit of getting used to but Fred and Rose next door seem like a lovely couple. They’ve already invited me round for a barbecue.”

“I considered changing my name but everyone knows me as Jimmy Savile,” he added. “I even used to do an impression for the local kids, which in retrospect has only made matters worse.”

The Mayor of Farnton, Ian Brady, said: “We’ve certainly ‘fixed it’ for Jimmy to be welcomed into our community. I wouldn’t be surprised if we get a few more Jimmy Saviles turning up before the week’s out.”

He added: “Farnton is no different from any other village except Fred Goodwin collects the bins and Ian Huntley works at the petrol station. We’ve also got the best children’s hospital in the UK due to some of of the country’s best paediatricians having been forced to move here.”

It is understood that the Farnton village Council was forced to turn away a Justin Lee Collins earlier in the week after he was discovered to be the actual Justin Lee Collins. “We don’t want his sort round here,” said Council member General Leopoldo Fortunato Galtieri.

BAJDixon

Share this story...

Send to a Friend:





Click to send this story to a friend

Posted: Oct 13th, 2012 by Guest

Tagged as: , , , , , ,

Click for more stories about: Celebrity