Lance Armstrong has said that he intends to use lie-detector tests to prove to the world that he did not systematically dope during his record-breaking seven Tour de France victories, after finding that a cocktail of drugs can give him a competitive edge in lie-detector tests.
Armstrong has discovered that polygraphs can be fooled by taking a mixture of cocaine, amphetamine and valium prior to taking the test. He now intends to use a series of them in court to clear his name, provided he is given plenty of warning of when they will be.
‘I’ll take any lie detector test to prove my innocence,’ Armstrong insisted. ‘Just make sure that I am given 45 minutes’ notice and that Pat McQuaid is around to independently administer the test. In fact, here’s a test result I prepared earlier. See, I’m innocent. Talk about a one-sided hatchet job.’