In a historic address to the Conservative Party 1922 committee, David Cameron has promised to introduce legisation to control the cost of tradional staple foods such as Wagyu steak, caviar, white truffles and matsutake mushrooms.
‘The cost of these is spiralling out of control,’ complained Cameron. ‘So I am proposing urgent legislation which will limit further price increases on these staple foods, and I am also considering similar legislation on vintage champagne, port and single malts.’
To raptuous applause he then set out how recent price rises had impacted on his own family’s intake of these modest foods and drinks. ‘In 1997 before Labour was elected Wagyu steak was less than £1000 per kilo, and with the previous government’s neglect of price controls it now stands at over £5000 per kilo, and it is high time to stop it costing more before we have to stop feeding it to our cat.’
Ed Milliband countered Cameron’s attack on his party’s performance on the cost of such items. ‘If he shops around he could buy Wagyu steak for less than £3,500 per kilo – and I should know as I had some friends round for supper last week, and if he thinks vintage champagne is too expensive then why not move to non-vintage after the first few bottles. That man has no idea how hard it is for us ordinary citizens to eke out a living. He’s so out of touch.’