The BBC is set to launch a special investigation into events at Television Centre in the ’70s and ’80s, using the tried and tested BBC 1 dramatic formula of time travel.
In the planned series, wrongdoing at the BBC TV Centre in the late ’70s is exposed by a plucky actress (to be played by now-well-over-18 Emma Watson) who is about to become Dr Who’s new fictional assistant in a perfectly respectable relationship with the much older Time Lord with no hint of impropriety. She tells all to fearless, era-challenged Alex Drake from Ashes to Ashes – who has herself been the victim of explicit entertainment-oriented sexism in the police force on prime time TV. But her boss, hard drinking Gene Hunt (Life on Mars) is too busy looking for the real life fictional villains who have stolen three valuable Mark 1 Daleks from a BBC Scene store in Acton to sell to a bearded villain from the rival ITV Sweeney.
In a final scene which BBC news-drama producers are keeping top secret, all the villains are arrested and appear before an edition of Crown Court, the ITV series in which fictional viewers played the part of real jurors. Wrongdoers are convicted, led off to prison, and five new BBC women newsreaders are appointed on the same day to celebrate.