U2 talk down ‘mediocre’ new album

Irish rockers U2 have been unusually candid in a round of interviews given on the eve of the release of their latest album, There’s Worse Ways To Kill 50 Minutes. Tired of thinking up increasingly extravagant hyperbole to make what is essentially the same as their last three albums seem like the Second Coming, the band have decided to be more realistic.

‘We realised people who want exciting, revolutionary, important music aren’t buying latter-day U2 albums are they?’ said Bono frankly, And that’s how we came up with the first single, ‘Dad-Rock Doldrums’.

Atypical critic quotes such as ‘No surprises here’, ‘What you’d expect’ and ‘Are you sure this isn’t a compilation?’ are proudly emblazoned upon promotional materials. And the strategy is paying off with crowds of frightened middle-aged men up and down the country clamoring for the album.

‘It’s the least adventurous album we’ve ever made’ says Edge. ‘Over the last few albums I’ve added more and more guitar pedals to find new sounds, the pedals were beginning to look like a keyboard. Asked about his lyrical direction on this release, Bono blows a rasberry and laughs while the rest of the band make armpit fart noises. ‘Really now’ says Bono ‘if you’re concerned about my lyrical direction then I’m concerned about you. If you must know I wrote this on a bit of paper:
’Soaring angels take flight on the wings of love in the early light
A new day begins in the breath that floats from a child’s eye’
Then cut the individual words up with scissors and shook them around in a hat.’

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Posted: Oct 25th, 2012 by

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