Zombies, poltergeists and other souls of the departed are threatening to boycott Halloween festivities this year, due to ‘unfair working practices’ on the part of trick or treating schoolchildren.
‘THEY’RE JUST SHIT SCARED OF BRITISH SCHOOLKIDS’, explained The Grim Reaper, head of the Amalgamated Union of Paranormal Manifestations. ‘IT’S MORE THAN OUR JOBS ARE WORTH, TURNING OUT ONCE A YEAR TO TERRIFY PEOPLE AND GETTING PELTED WITH EGGS AND COVERED IN FLOUR. FRANKLY IT’S PRETTY SCARY.’
But ten-year-old Samantha Woods said she and her friends were happy to leave souls of the dead to their own devices on Halloween night.
‘We’re far too busy anyway having fun scaring the shit out of my grandad,’ she explained. ‘When we appeared at the window in hockey masks last year, he spat his top set across the kitchen.’