Following emergency talks with the inventor Sir James Dyson, the Canadian government has announced an ambitious plan to resist superstorm Sandy entering the country by using Dyson Airblade hand-dryers to blow it back towards the US.
‘At 8pm tonight, all Canadian citizens will point their specially-issued Dyson Airblade dryers towards the approaching storm,’ said Remy LeBlanc of the Royal Canadian Meteorological Society. ‘They will then repair to the toilet to relieve themselves, before washing their hands and activating their dryers by placing their hands in them. Not only will this protect Canada against this destructive storm, it will also deliver considerable benefits in personal hygiene.’
Meteorologists predict that the waning post-tropical cyclone Sandy will prove no match for an army of Dyson Airblades each capable of producing gusts of up to 400 miles per hour. In addition to repelling the hazardous weather front, the powerful energy-efficient electric hand-dryers should also dry any flooded areas in less than 10 seconds, making them both more effective than traditional hand-drying facilities and considerably more stylish.
‘We’ve tried resisting previous storms with conventional warm-air hand dryers, but that didn’t prove effective,’ continued LeBlanc. ‘People either reported fatigue from having to keep pressing the button, or suffered burns from having to keep their hands close enough to the hot air to stop the dryer switching off. Plus the electricity bill was massive. In the end people were attempting to wave the storm away with paper towels.’
Although meteorologists are confident the attempt will work, they have warned that if Sandy does cross the Canadian border the threat it poses could change. Experts say it could become considerably more polite, start speaking French and be looked upon much more favourably by the international community.
Based on an idea by simonjmr