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‘Walking with humans’ now number one thing-to-do-before-you-die for dolphins

next item: don't get caught in tuna netA worldwide survey conducted by YOLO (Dolphin and Porpoise) plc has revealed that ‘Walking with humans’ is now top of dolphins’ bucket lists. The practice has recently gained huge popularity among dolphins and has been hailed as one of the most therapeutic and life-affirming experiences the world can offer a sea mammal.

‘It’s amazing,’ said an Australian dolphin who regularly walks with humans. ‘Sometimes, you can almost think that these animals understand what’s going on. You do have to be careful not to startle them, though, or they can get very aggressive. I was walking behind a female once and when she saw me she just totally freaked out and then started hitting me with a bag. It’s worth those risks, though, because it’s just such a fantastic experience.’

Of dolphins surveyed, walking with humans beat off competition from things-to-do-before-you-die such as ‘Eat fish’, ‘Avoid sharks’, ‘Shag other dolphins’ and the ever-popular ‘Dick about aimlessly in the water’. But some sceptics condemn the practice claiming that it has a long record of causing beachings and dolphin fatalities.

‘I’ve seen these dolphins who claim to walk with humans,’ said Professor Grampus of University College Solent, ‘but all they do is bounce onto a beach and wriggle about on their stomach until they get washed back into the sea, if they’re lucky. Quite frankly, if they think they can circumvent a million years of divergent evolution by bellyflopping around Southend on a Saturday night then they have another thing coming.’

Despite these views, the results of the recent survey appear to show that dolphins are becoming increasingly interested in human activities, with ‘Bungee jump off the Golden Gate Bridge’ coming in at number 26 on the list, while ‘Meet Christopher Walken’ appears at number 33. Many still have more humble ambitions, however, with 100% of dolphins in a large pod in the North Atlantic all saying that the number one thing they wanted to do before they died was ‘Escape from this tuna net’.


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Posted: Oct 31st, 2012 by Guest

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