Evil empire takes over other evil empire in bid to finally crush childhood memories

The evil filmic empire Disney has announced that it has vanquished fellow evildoers Lucasfilm in a bid to trample the dreams of children and middle aged men underfoot more regularly and effectively than before.

A treaty of surrender was signed in nerd’s blood by Lucas and Disney’s current Emperor, Robert Iger.

‘The takeover will allow us to pursue even more desperate licensing opportunities, such as Jedi-insulin and R2-D2-shaped feminine hygiene products’ said Mr Iger, addressing a blank blue screen woodenly.

Under the terms of the invasion, Lucas will retain a consultancy role from his bottle dungeon at Disneyland.

Going on for about three quarters of an hour too long, the in-house Disneyland torturer told reporters that Mr Lucas was looking forward to the franchise further tarnishing fans’ sacred memories.

The first fruits of the evil takeover: Star Wars VII – The Search for a Credible Paternity Test, will hit cinemas in March 2014.

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Posted: Nov 2nd, 2012 by

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