Environmentalists are hopeful that a newly discovered breed of tree that resembles a wind turbine could break the deadlock over the controversial power source, as well as silencing some irksome people with nice houses.
The new breed, which was discovered growing in a copse behind a major genetic laboratory, has three pale cream branches capable of rotating at 32rpm in a 10-knot breeze at a height of 146 metres.
Forests of Turbinicus Megawattus are set to replace the traditional drab green woodland which critics of the countryside say has been around for centuries and is frankly getting on people’s tits somewhat.
‘It’s about time the countryside was dragged kicking and screaming – or at least emitting a low humming sound – into the 21st century.’ remarked a sales adviser at edf Energy’s new garden centre in Windermere. ‘And if you pay by direct debit you get a tariff-freeze for 12 months and bottomless mulch.’