Londoner Karen Smith is suing the 1970s for damage to her self-esteem, due to the sexual indifference of the pop stars of the day, many of them household names.
Despite her willingness to perform sexual acts backstage of a frankly demeaning nature, Karen’s generosity was spurned. All the bands ever wanted her to do was ‘a bit of light dusting’ or to make up a foursome at bridge. ‘While the other girls were being shagged senseless’, she explained, wiping away a tear, ‘I was ignored. It was humiliating’.
Having learned to overcome the gag reflex, Karen was ready to demonstrate her new skills. She even brought along her own knee pads. ‘I tried to give Keith Moon a blow-job but it was a disaster’, she recalls. After half an hour of diligent fellatio she’d barely got the wrinkles out. ‘I tried to interest Gary Glitter in a cocaine-fuelled threesome, but he pretended to be more interested in some kids’ programme on TV. As for Jonathan King, when I offered him some girl-on-girl action he just gave me one of his lop-sided grins and said he’d prefer a night out with the boys’.
While it may seem unusual for an entire decade to be taken to court, Karen and her lawyer are confident of success, although they deny they’re looking for a payout. ‘Unlike Max Moseley’, Karen insists, ‘I’m not strapped for cash…’