Muslim Cleric Abu Qatada spoke of his shock at winning a free holiday to a mystery destination earlier today.
‘It’s, like, totally amazing’ he declared. ‘I got home today to find a letter telling me I’d won a holiday, and I don’t even remember entering the competition! It’s an all-expenses-paid trip of a lifetime to a secret destination, leaving next week and returning, well, it doesn’t say when actually, but it sounds brilliant. I can’t wait to go.’
The competition organiser, who wanted to remain anonymous, confirmed that Mr Qatada was indeed the lucky winner. ‘We’ve even lined up an armed escort to the airbase, I mean airport, for him, and his very own private Hercules to get him there. I’m sure it’ll be a trip he’ll never forget, and he won’t have to lift a finger, ha ha ha… oh no, that’s the other one isn’t it.’