Emails show Petraeus used the codename Mr Fluffywumbles

thank God it's hasn't leaked onto a desk in Tehran

Disgraced CIA Director David Petraeus and his lover Paula Broadwell tried to hide their affair using a variety of code words and aliases, according to investigators. Gen Petraeus become Mr Fluffywumbles, whilst Mrs Broadwell is often referred to in email exchanges as Sgt. Jiggles.

But in one email exchange deeply concerning the investigators, the pair appear to discuss troop movements and military strategies. Mrs Broadwell proposes that the General, “drive his dirty tank all the way into the compound”, and in response Petraeus says he intends to “parachute his boys all over those mountains.”

Former president Bill Clinton has now offered to undertake a long and exhaustive examination of the emails, in his own time, just to assess any threats to national security.

‘The pair used a shared Google-based email account to send hundreds of illicit messages,’ said FBI investigator John Johnson, ‘but there’s another side to the story: the one thing I’ve learned about Dave Petraeus from these emails is that he’s always on the side of the common soldier. The number of times he expresses concern about his privates… what they’re in for, what they’re going to come up against. It’s especially sad; Gen Petraeus was a man reknowned for tightly controlling his surges.’

“A lot of it seems to have been written in code, perhaps references to people or places,” says Internet security analyst Walter Brickwell, but admitted experts were still being confounded in their efforts to decipher cryptic words such as dirtburrow and gushbucket, as well as stuggling to determine the identity of ‘Major Bulb’.

Both Gen Petraeus and Mrs Bradwell studied at the West Point military academy, before going on to diverse careers, as a career soldier and a writer, respectively. They met while she was writing his biography and they became close, but friends and colleagues are said to be stunned that the liaison went so far.

“I’m stunned,” said friend and colleague Phil Pancetta, director of national intelligence. “I maybe should have guessed from those times I walked in and his trousers were down, and she was buttoning up her shirt… but hey, it’s easy with hindsight, right? I guess it’s true what they say though,’ he added. ‘You can take the girl out of the army, but you can’t take the army out of the girl.”

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Posted: Nov 13th, 2012 by

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