The Acme Clown Car Company is issuing a recall some of its cars after complaints from customers over issues such as ‘robust door hinges’ and ‘accurate wheel alignment’.
‘As soon as I turned the key in the ignition, I could tell that the car hadn’t fallen apart.’ said Mr Sprinkles, a disgruntled long-time customer.
‘And as if that wasn’t enough, the car’s tendency to drive in a straight line without shedding its doors only further unnerved me and my seven passengers; who were already distressed at the lack of lack of legroom.’
‘It’s about as funny as a dose of herpes.’ agreed fellow customer, Coco, whilst pretending to walk into an imaginary wind. ‘These new engines simply refuse to explode in a shower of streamers and confetti.’ he added.
Joseph Grimaldi, embattled CEO of the Acme Clown Car Company, admitted he was aware of problems with the range.
‘We had high hopes for the cars. They come in any colour you want, as long as it’s yellow with pink polka-dots, the hooters play Colonel Bogey if you squeeze them in the right order and they’ll do 50mpg on just one bucket of custard. But, yes, in tests they did consistently fail to meet the CHT, the Clown Hilarity Threshold.’
Now, Joseph feels the weight of paternal expectation as he tries to keep afloat the company that his father, Otto, started over 60 years ago. ‘These are difficult times for the funny car business.’ he admits, pushing a tiny hat, with a flower sticking out of it, to the back of his head.
‘He was a great man, my father, and these are big shoes to fill’. he continued, his grease-paint starting to run as he gazed despondently to the floor. ‘Really big…’.