Justin Woodfield, a 23-year-old trainee accountant from Wycombe, expressed hurt and dismay today as November drew to a close and not one of his colleagues had commented on his efforts to raise money for prostate cancer by growing an elaborate moustache.
‘It’s been over four weeks now, and not one person has tried to give me the new nickname ‘Magnum, PI’,’ complained the skinny strawberry blond. ‘It’s just not very supportive. One person did ask me ‘what’s that on your top lip?’ on Tuesday, but it turns out the biro I’d been chewing had broken, so I don’t think it counts.’
Woodfield, who has been shaving regularly every week since he was 17, is beginning to wonder it was worth putting himself out for the fundraising effort if none of his colleagues were prepared to get into the spirit of things.
‘In hindsight, I wonder if many women don’t find big moustaches very attractive,’ said the gilfriendless Woodfield. ‘I asked fit Janice on reception what she thought of them, and wiggled my lips about a bit to show it off, but she got a strange look on her face and answered a phone that wasn’t ringing. I don’t think she was well that day,’ he added.
Woodfield has put a brave face on the situation in public, but in private is despairing of people’s charitable spirit. His grandmother disagrees, however, insisting that people are more generous than ever, as since Halloween she’s had complete strangers coming up to her and pressing fivers into her hand and telling her that she’s doing really well.