A new lap-dancing club, Spearmint Hippo, has opened up on Withernsea Road, in Hull, bringing something different to the ‘a bit like sex, but not quite sex’ sector of the town’s evening entertainment market.
In featuring only chubby women, club manager, Jeff Spurlock, says he’s just catering for the tastes of Hull’s men. ‘Hull isn’t a very prosperous place these days, so men like to get value for money. They’ve spent a lifetime pricing fish by weight, and old habits die hard.’
Acknowledging that a private club where women won’t have full sex for small change is probably a first for Hull, Jeff has strict rules about what the girls will and will not do.
‘Anyone caught disrespecting one of my humungous slags will be immediately thrown out by Badger, our doorman. And there’s strictly no hanky-panky allowed… but if you slip a tenner into one of the girl’s garters she might be persuaded to take her curlers out.’
‘The girls will dance for you on our special reinforced stage or, if you’re up for it, take you to one of our private rooms where they’ll sit on your knee and let you feed them chips.’
Jeff also denies that the women are being exploited. ‘The pay is good. Some of the women dance to supplement their pensions, and they work the hours they want. We even pay their flat-bed lorry fares home at the end of the night.’