Tracy Spencer,23, claims to have watched the rags-to-riches tale of an ordinary hooker made good over seventy times and found the character ‘Vivian’ played by Julia Roberts to be an ‘inspirational role-model’.
‘I’d been brought up to believe that prostitution was unglamorous, sleazy and downright dangerous so when I watched Pretty Woman for the first time it completely shattered the myth that selling one’s vagina for a living is a bad career choice, ‘ said Spencer.
However, Spencer maintains things didn’t quite pan out as she had predicted when, after two weeks in the job, she had failed in her bid to be swept off her feet by a concerned patriarchal figure with a highly-paid job in real estate and the ability to look past the lip-gloss and glimpse the beautiful soul within.
‘I expected it to be all five star hotels, fine dining and being made love to over a grand piano, but my current love interest ‘Raj’ is a horrifically violent unlicensed taxi driver and looks nothing like Richard Gere. Things, though, did briefly look like improving for Spencer when her local Pizza Express started offering a two-for the-price-of-one night and boyfriend-cum-pimp Raj admitted that he was in the market for a Bontempi organ.
‘Pretty Woman has sold me a lie and I shan’t be watching it again. Lately, I’ve been taking my cues from the Bridget Jones character in Edge of Reason,’ added Spencer, who is now facing the death penalty in Thailand after attempting to enter the country with an oversized dildo containing cocaine worth an estimated $40,000.
‘I’m expecting a dashing ‘Mr Darcy’ type civil rights lawyer to walk into my overcrowded cell any day now, having travelled half way around the world to secure my release and who doesn’t mind throwing his lot in with a toothless heroin addict.’