Whitehall and the House of Commons are effectively in lock down as the Police continued their search of the Offices and park areas around Westminster for Chancellor George Orbourne’s missing debt target.
‘She shouldn’t be hard to find because of her size’ said Detective Tom Bowler ‘If any member of the public has information regarding a 6 billion pound debt target please ring either Crimestoppers or, better still, the Treasury. Police are still trying to establish exactly when the 2 year old target went missing and are critical that Mr Osbourne didn’t alert the authorities sooner. ‘The correct procedure would have been to call 999, not announce it in the House of Commons’
George Osbourne openly wept in the House of Commons when he talked, for the first time, about how he has missed his target.
‘I fucking loved that target’ he said without the hint of a smirk. ‘I’ve missed her. By so much. Dave said I mustn’t blame myself and he’s right. I don’t. She was everything to me, that target, and I’m destitute. Well, not me personally, but I’m certain the country is.’
‘This is fairly serious’ said a senior backbencher ‘He’s not self-harming as such but he’s defo been listening to some Smith’s stuff. I’m not saying he’s off his tits on Jamaican skunk but he’s been asking a lot of questions about people’s Pension Pot’.