Middle East crisis solved on Twitter

Netanyahu still hasn't been told

There were jubilant scenes across the Middle East last night, as the bitter dispute between Israel and its Arab neighbours finally ended, thanks to a series of Tweets from two individuals on opposite sides of the argument.

The unexpected solution to the ongoing conflict was thrashed out in a late night session between @Rafiq_intifada and @Yoni_6DayWar on the popular microblogging website.

Initial discussions were unpromising, with Rafiq posting a Tweet accusing Israel of being ‘a genocidal Zionist terrorist state, using all the worst tactics of the Nazis.’ In response, Yoni tweeted his opinion that ‘all Arabs are murderous Jew-hating cockroaches who should be wiped from the face of the Earth.’

To Yoni’s surprise however, the expected hate-filled reply failed to materialise. Instead, Rafiq suggested that since they clearly had a difference of opinion, maybe they should try to understand each other’s point of view. ‘I was quite taken aback,’ admitted Yoni. ‘Normally this sort of Twitter debate descends into a pointless cycle of increasingly vicious name-calling, with people merely repeating their entrenched positions and neither side taking a blind bit of notice of what the other’s saying. So, although I’d already prepared a draft reply saying that I would happily drop a nuclear bomb on Gaza myself, when I saw his tweet I  thought ‘Why not give it a go?’

Within a matter of hours Rafiq and Yoni had arrived at an amicable deal based on a two-state solution. Asked how they overcame centuries of bitterness and hatred, Rafiq explained ‘To be honest, it was too much effort to go into all that historical stuff 140 characters at a time, so we didn’t really bother. Instead we just decided to start afresh and before we knew it we’d come up with a solution that the two of us could agree to.’

With leaders on both sides embracing the deal, a delighted UN Secretary General, Ban Ki- Moon, confirmed that the so-called ‘Twitter Agreement’ will be implemented with immediate effect.

The peace deal will be signed at a ceremony in Jerusalem, attended by World Leaders from all corners of the globe – although sadly Rafiq and Yoni will not be there, as they have since fallen out in a bitter dispute over whether Justin Bieber is better than One Direction.

Pete Sinclair

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Posted: Dec 7th, 2012 by

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