First Gay Marriage for ‘Nick and Dave’ from Westminster

Cameron vowed to 'agree with Nick'

Nick Clegg and David Cameron made a public demonstration of their commitment to gay marriage yesterday by formally tying the knot at Westminster Abbey. The happy couple make their vows before immediately breaking them in front of millions of TV viewers.

Nick Clegg wore a flamboyant yellow three piece suit – the colour of his party and political courage – though the British tabloids seemed more interested in the bottom of bridesmaid Ann Widdecombe. The happy couple emerged smiling from Westminster Abbey and were showered in confetti made from torn up Liberal manifestoes.

David looked a little weary after the antics during his stag night which was rumoured to have involved a Bullingdon Club reunion in which most of Britain was trashed. ‘That wasn’t us, that was the rioters’ joked best man George Osborne, who had arranged for David to be driven to church in a chauffer-driven Rolls Royce so that the journey to church felt as normal as possible.

‘It was a lovely service’ said the Archbishop of Canterbury, who was the only one at the altar wearing a dress. ‘They looked into each others eyes and promised to stick together for better or worse, for richer or even richer.’ Then Michael Gove led a school choir in a chorus of ‘Abide With Me (As Long As You’re Not Claiming Housing Benefit)’, which was sung in C (later downgraded to a D).

At the reception, David cut the cake, joking that although the cake was smaller than they had predicted, it would still be divided up in such a way to encourage growth. He then ate it all. The first dance saw David leading, treading on Nick’s feet a few times, before surprise latecomer Nigel Farage cut in leaving Nick standing all alone.

For three years, the so-called ‘coalition cohabitation’ had seen the couple living together in what some claimed was an abusive relationship. But now Nick was rumoured to be feeling increasingly anxious that he might be cast aside in a year or two if the arrangement was not made permanent.

However David was clearly seen yawning during his partner’s speech, during which Nick said he was sorry about a hundred and fifty times. And there were tears in the toilet later, when it emerged that David said he expected Nick to give up work and stay at home now they were married.

‘What about my career?’ sobbed Nick.
‘Well, it a bit late for that now’ said David.

The couple’s honeymoon lasted about two weeks back in 2010.

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Posted: Dec 11th, 2012 by

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