A group of elderly ladies from Buxton has promised not to issue a nude calendar this Christmas – provided the public pledge sufficient funds to keep their day care centre open.
‘We were discussing whether to have a coffee morning or, perhaps a whist drive,’ quivered Mavis Newberry, 83, ‘when Betty said ‘everyone seems to be doing nudey calendars nowadays’. Cheeky old Ernest Patterson quipped that he would ‘give anything for us to keep our clothes on’, which is when the idea hit us.’
The local public had to believe that the threat of a nude calendar was real, so the OAPs stripped for a photo shoot. They then launched a poster campaign featuring 93 year old Maureen Willis in a Post Office queue, wearing nothing more than a tartan shopping bag hanging from her Zimmer frame. The chilling caption underneath read: ‘If this is Mrs January, let’s just say you don’t want to see Miss July. You can stop this. Save the day centre’.
Once the local community realised the true horror of the situation the donations started to roll in, and the ladies are now optimistic of reaching their targets. And they also have an offer of overseas funding. ‘I don’t know what a wrinkle-fetish-granny-porn-shoot is,’ said Maureen, ‘but someone’s offered to fly us all over to California for one, and pay for a new kitchen to boot. This whole campaign is giving me a new lease of life.’