The Sun Newspaper has started its campaign for ‘Jimmy’s Law’, requiring all Celebrities in your area to register with a police station, paint a target on their roof visible by news helicopters, and stick a sign in the front garden reading ‘I’m a celebrity – you can get me out of here’.
The campaign has the broad support of parents across the country. One mum said ‘If there’s a Celebrity living near my daughter’s school I want to know about it. And if there’s one that drinks in my local I need to google who they are before risking a pint in there, so I can get the right name in Facebook photo captions. Last year, I videoed this bloke telling me to ‘sod off’, thinking he had a walk-on part in a 1992 episode of Casualty. Turns out it was Sir Derek Jacobi. So embarrassing.’
Civil rights group Liberty counters that a person is ‘not necessarily a nuisance to society just because they’re a Celebrity – even though they’re probably really irritating to society’, but is reluctant to campaign on their behalf. ‘The Celebs can bloody well fight their own battles with their own cash’ said a spokesman. ‘What they need is a celebrity who represents celebrities – someone like Max Clifford. What’s that you say? Oh…’