A spokesman for the National Rifle Association has suggested that the tragedy at Sandy Hook elementary school could have been averted if every pupil had taken up their constitutional right under the second amendment to carry an assault rifle at all times, and so been able to defend themselves.
‘Any gun-wielding maniac who burst into a school and was then confronted by a class of seven-year-olds, pulling M16’s out of their knapsacks and clicking off the safety catches, would surely have to think again,’ said Louis Pratt, Connecticut’s NRA President. ‘We need to extend the ability to protect self, family, friends and neighbours which is currently enshrined in law to now include classmates, teachers and yes, even municipal janitors.’
The NRA has begun lobbying for a reduction in the legal age of ownership of guns across America from 18 years old to birth in a bid to prevent similar atrocities in the future, a move welcomed by the nation’s arms manufacturers who have already produced adverts for the latest, deadliest weapons in bright colours with slogans such as ‘my little machine gun’ written in garish lettering on the side.
‘These senseless, needless, tragic killings have to stop and the only way to do that is to arm the kids,’ insisted Mr Pratt. ‘Will we never learn that guns don’t kill people, people with guns kill people, but only people who don’t have guns. I think that’s right. Yes. I’m sure of it.’
Acknowledgements to Nickb for similar story (and also several prominent US Republicans)