In response to the recent government challenge to all energy suppliers, British Gas have unveiled the new ‘Winterlude’ package for the elderly.
Outlining the features of the new offering, a spokesman explained, “The elderly are given a warm supper, lovingly prepared with just the right amount of sedatives, then lagged in 9-inch loft insulation and stacked in storage facilities for hibernation.”
“Our trained operatives undertake to revive the customer in spring and for those on the ‘premium’ tariff, service their boiler too.”
The governement have applauded the initiative and suggested that subsidies may be available in lieu of winter fuel payments, and indeed, pensions. “Well they won’t need it while they are hibernating”, said George Osborne.